What About Your Friends?

Girls... go grab some tea and let's chat for a minute. We all have friends, right? I mean...ya'll are ride or die for each other, right? You share shoes, clothes, loan each other yards of hair for that flyy ass hairstyle, and they are there for you when you break up with your dude (assuming she isn't with him...yeah, it happens). My point is...you have your crew of BFFs and you all will be friends forever, right? Not so fast...Things happen and things change. Years ago no one could convince me that my best friend and I would ever lose contact with each other...or be beefing over a boy. Well...sh*t happens. We often hear about fake a$$ friends...you know the ones that like to hear about your drama, but are never there to hear about the good things going on in your life. Then there are the drama filled friends...the ones that always have something going on in their life and when you try to share you can't get a word in on any part of the conversation...it is always about them. Then there is the friend that only calls you when she needs something...be it money, an outfit, a ride somewhere, or a hook up. Then there is that one friend that swears every damn man in the world wants her...and she always calls you to go out because in her mind she looks better than you and therefore she feels she won't have any competition...sorry ladies...you have all been that person to someone at some point...if not...it is coming.

I bet you are thinking I am some angry "old" chick with no friends...quite the opposite. I'm a very happy person, but I have been hurt by people that I have considered a close friend. When I was younger a good friend to me was someone that kept my secrets, was there for me during a break up, and had my back if I had to fight...well the truth is this: some secrets are meant to be told. If you are being abused by someone...a good friend will urge you to tell...and may even offer to be there with you when you do tell. As for break ups...yes a good friend will be there, but he or she will also truthfully let you know when you are being stupid as hell behind some dude that isn't worth a bucket of your piss. And lastly... yes a real friend will have your back, but long before fist fly and razors are pulled out...SERIOUSLY...fighting is SOOO 1990s. Ladies...black eyes are not fly...besides we have a Black First Lady. Can you imagine Lady Obama's gorgeous clothing being ripped due to fighting? Umm...no! A real friend would never get things get that far. She would remind you how silly fighting is and the risks it involves. I know no one wants to look stupid or look like they got punked, but it is time to step our game up and quit worrying what other people think. I know that is hard, but try it.

As I've gotten older my guide for what I consider a friendship has changed drastically...and it may continue to do so. I said all that to say this...the good friends you do have: cherish them...and if things do go south for whatever reason...just always look back on the friendship and be thankful for it...and learn something from it.

~Miss Guide

Too Late For Regrets...

April 2, 1992
I can't believe it...it really happened. We DID IT!!!!! YES...it!!!! Not sure how I feel, but I know I love him and we were meant to be. Wow...my first time. So happy...

April 2, 2010
Ask me if the guy and I are still together. Go ahead...ask me. Better yet ask me how long we stayed together after that entry. I'm sure you all know the answer. That was a piece of my journal entry from high school. I read it every so often to see how far I've come, but then again...it's a little depressing. My younger self was so in need of love. "She" mistook the small amount attention from a boy that was lost himself and convinced herself she was in love...and even more so she believed he loved her. We talked on the phone every day, he walked me to class, we held hands, and he was SOOOOO good looking! Pretty much the highest of standards in high school, right? Plus he was popular, but he also had a bad temper, was a little jealous and quite possessive of my time. I overlooked it because I really did have deep feelings for him. Our break up was ugly...I mean real ugly. He was with a new girl a day later and I was stuck crying into my pillow for months...if I'm honest with myself I will admit that I carried hurt feelings all through high school. I had to see him with a new girlfriend and I was stuck hurting. Of course I dated other guys, but no one ever was able to replace "My First" in my heart. So what is my lesson in all this? Am I going to tell you to wait until you are married? I would never tell you that, but I do wish someone would have explained to me that while my body may be feeling certain things, my heart was not ready for what happens once you become intimate with someone. No one told me to think about the way I would feel once we broke up. No one told me that one day there would be someone that I wished I would have saved myself for. Do I regret that day? Hmmm...regret is a strong word. To this day I still say that in my own little high school way I really did love him (as much as I could at that time) so I don't know if I regret it or not. Do I wish it would have turned out differently? Yes! Hell Yes! Not to say I wish we could have stayed together...we were never right for each other, but I do wish I would have waited until I was a little more mature to handle all the emotions. Strangely enough we thought it would be a good idea to get back together freshman year in college...EPIC FAIL!!!!! It's all good though...I met my husband sophomore year and "My First" has since stopped dating Black girls. Hmmm...we are so not going there...